I am that kind of girl.
I live silent through the searching, pine for the figuring out, and gush passionately with pride when I behold the finished piece.
It satiates this control-freak's soul to place a complete picture in front of another, because it provides false-proof. False proof I know what I am doing, where I am going. False proof I really do have a well thought out master plan.
I have to stop and chuckle. The enemy sifts this perfectionist!
It's not really funny the emotions involved through his consistent back-and-forth shaking.
It is quite comical my perception of power.
I mapped it all out months ago. I scratched it all down, point-by-point. My plan to love better. My plan to shower love upon my precious little ones. My plan to make some permanent changes within all the hearts residing in this home. I named it:
The LOVE Revolution.
Time traveled speedily, and I longed for minutes to concentrate on my strategy. But, life just kept nosing itself into my business, filling up all my freedom. Amidst the chaos and end of school drama, I relented and placed my scripted out design aside until the summer.
Summer is finally here, and wouldn't you know, I can't even find it?!!
Through the frustration of searching, I am feeling a bit like a drowning fool, grasping at waves. I'm ashamed to share I've shed more than a few tears.
I so desperately want to love them well.
My quiet tears were interrupted this early morn outside on my deck, by the calling robin. She sat perfectly perched upon the highest point of the neighbor's roof, beak full of worm. She chirped a single chirp, and waited.
From a distant location echoed her mate's single chirp response.
I can always trust Him to provide the perfect, beautiful illustration.
"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth."
Psalm 145:18
He is near! He is waiting for me to call upon Him with my whole heart, and just like that robin's mate, He answers. This is how He perfectly formed our relationship.
I call, He answers.
I ask, He guides.
I question, He comforts.
I surrender, He catches.
I wait, He teaches.
But what that robin did not do was chirp repeatedly, letting her mate know all her plans. She chirped once, and waited for the response.
She also didn't wait to call until she was overly prepared. She didn't have a whole mouthful full of worms, worms packed tightly under her feathers, and worms wrapped snuggly around her little twig legs.
She just had one worm.
Does she unconciously know that trying to catch more than one worm at a time will really just weigh her down and inhibit her flight?
I followed her flight path. Watched in awe as she reconnected with her mate - right in the middle of that beautiful autumm-blaze maple. They perched ever so gently over their beak-built love nest. The two worms dropped, and the little chirping symphony began.
Sometimes the joy just wells right up and has no choice but to seep right out.
"Cast your bread upon the waters,
For you will find it after many days."
Ecclesiastes 11:1
Ecclesiastes 11:1
I often feel like I have obeyed His voice, gathered these loved ones into my nest, and thrown all my bread out upon the waters. Yet, instead of feeling satisfied, I remain standing in this dry land, watching the water, waiting to see some return from the giving of all my food.
And truth be told, I am hungry. I am tired of giving my bread when they don't seem to even have a taste for it.
I sometimes want to jump right in the water and swim away.
"If you will remain in this land, then I will build you and not pull you down, and I will plant you and not pluck you up. For I relent concerning the disaster that I have brought upon you."
Jeremiah 42:10
He asks me to resist the urge to dive. He beckons me to stay, remain right here. He promises He will build and plant. He reassures He will not pluck me up.
I look all around me. I can almost taste the hope fluttering all about. I just can't see it.
But He says He will relent concerning the disaster that He has brought upon this family. What I view as disaster, He can turn into victory and cherished memories of growth.
"'Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, of whom you are afraid; do not be afraid of him,' says the LORD, 'for I am with you, to save you and deliver you from his hand. And I will show you mercy, that he may have mercy on you and cause you to return to your own land.'"
Jeremiah 42:11-12
He views my fear, and reassures.
His character never changes.
This is a faith issue. I may perceive the waters rising high around my foolish body, but He is right here. I do not need to be afraid of this battle. He is my Lifejacket. And He is carrying me with His almighty, merciful arms. He is here to save me and deliver me from this battle's grip. Through all this hunger and flailing, this battle is leading me to my own land.
This battle is leading me straight to His heart - my true home.
Am I willing to wait?
Am I willing to keep my eyes wide open in eager anticipation for every single little grace kiss that He purposefully puts together?
All these grace kiss pieces fit together perfectly.
He is the Master Artist painting this family's beautiful redemptive portrait.
I want to see it so badly. He is gently asking me to snuggle deep within my faith and wait in belief. He is asking me to seek out one worm, call out to Him, and keep feeding their little hungry bodies.
Just one worm at a time.
There is great Love in this plan.
This could be our Love Revolution.
