Wednesday, January 8, 2014


So, I haven't been writing much lately.  I am sorry.  My heart has been heavy, so heavy as of late.  Heavy with one word: Love.

How do I love?  I think I know, and then I know I don't. 

Confusing, I bet. 

Thus, no writing.

Instead, there has been much thinking.  I am trying to still my heart, quiet my mind.  I want to love well.  I want to love the way He so generously loves me.  I want to love perfectly.  Which is a problem, since He is refining me from this perfection flaw.  So, I find myself constantly face down, swimming from one mistake to the other.  I am fighting the enemy who is trying to steal my energy, thieve away all my hope that I can truly love well.

And this sisters, what He revealed this morn, I could not sit and ponder alone.

"Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me."
Isaiah 49:15-16

Yes, I have seen the woman abandon and not have compassion on her child.  I experience the side effects of this catastrophe each and every single day.  The pain surrounding this issue is so grand, so inexplainable. 

I don't have to type on for you.  You, you experience this too.

Yet, He will not forget me.  

He is right here, in my midst (Zeph. 3:17), and He will not forget me in this battle.  

He invites me to see, search for and truly see the inscription on the palm of His hand.

It's me, drawn perfectly, right there on the palm of His hand.  

And as if this weren't enough, He promises that my walls are His walls - I am continually before Him.  

I pray this, in every moment of my day.  Please draw near.  Please be right here next to us.  Please hold me tight.  Please love me.

His love is unfailing.

My love will fail, but His never will.  I just need to keep believing in that inscription I cannot physically see, but He promises is there.
Jesus is the Word (John 1:1).  I can trust His promise. 

In all this failing, He is good.  He will use all this striving to love, all this doubt in my heart and turn it into His beautiful grace. 

He will shine in all His love (John 1:5).

I am so thankful He chooses to use this broken vessel to love them.  I get to be part of their love story.  I pray they glimpse a tiny parcel of His great love for them through all this trying.  And when my trying is just not enough, I can rest knowing He is right here within my walls.