Tuesday, December 3, 2013


He answers the cry of the heart, sometimes in the most terrifying ways.

This Momma thing is not for the sissy!

I stood with her, held her close, let her hysterical crying irritate our surroundings.

I put on my plastic mask, the one with the soft smile, pretended not to care how I appeared to others.  I'm sure my heart was peeking out though as I bit down on my shaking lip, battled back tears.

All this on the eve of asking for prayer for control of her impulses, some comprehension of the consequence of her behavior.

Yes, He faithfully provides the opportunity.

I hear the violin playing, listen to the words repeating over and over in my mind:

"You call me out upon the waters,
the great unknown,
my feet may fail."
I am treading, carrying her weight and mine.  I may fail.  I am not in control of the consequence.

"And there I find You in the mystery,
in oceans deep,
my faith will stand."
The waves of this ride are rocking hard, and I fight to keep my thoughts captured.  Fear creeps up, but I can choose.

"And I will call upon Your name,
and keep my eyes above the waves.
 When oceans rise,
my soul will rest in Your embrace.
For I am Yours,
and You are mine."
In this I trust.  He is leading us both, pushing us far from our comfort, teaching His character.
And with each reluctant step I take deeper into this mystery, my trust expands as He draws me in tight, reveals more of Him.
Many moons ago, long before she existed, I prayed for this - this intimacy, this strength. 
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
Let me walk upon the waters,
wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
and my faith will be made stronger
in the presence of my Savior."