War.....

"The deeper your love, the higher it goes; 

every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness.  

Soar high in the skies, O God!  

Cover the whole earth with your glory!"

Psalm 57:10-11

Do you suppose the deeper your heart is wounded, the greater its capacity to love?

All this wounded, transformed into His glory, shouting to the whole earth?

I sat crying that morning in the back seat of my truck, baby crawling all over me.  I was hiding.  Hiding my broken heart away.  Trying to catch my breath. 

I juggled my phone and a tired 13-month old. I have been watching a beautiful study of believers.  Sharing their stories.  Sharing their art.  Tears streamed as I watched and listened to her share her journey to contentment.  

My heart is so far from that.

But,...my heart so wants to get to that place just like Paul.  He learned to be content in whatever situation (Philippians 4:11).
Here I am, honestly sharing that there is a battle brewing within the walls of this home. There is war behind our doors.

There.  I admitted it.  

I, just now, suffered another blow to my heart.  I am weary.  I am tired.  I am afraid my heart is starting to grow hard.  

A heart can only be pierced by so many arrows before the blood starts to pool and cake and harden.

The guilt and shame associated with that reality is so overwhelming.

So, I am asking for prayer.  The really deep, long, desperate intercession kind. Because my phone just chimed with another text asking for prayer from another hurting soul.

I am not alone.

I think it's time we all started banding together and really see this battle for what it is.  All the physical, verbal, crazy abuse our children sling towards us is really just a spiritual battle.

The enemy wants to keep his foothold on my girls, and he's trying with all his might to bring me down too.  And if he's trying this hard, then my God has mighty and powerful and wonderful plans for these precious children.

I suppose I'm in a fighting mood.

This is not just a spiritual battle.  

This is a SPIRITUAL BATTLE.  

And I have the Son of God's hand right around my shoulder.  

I know hard things teach me if I'm teachable, open, surrendered, humble.

How things are going down within these blessed walls is just not good enough.  I am ready to lay it all down, open up my mess, surrender my control, humble my pride, and FIGHT.

Will you storm the gates of heaven with prayers of intercession for this family?  

I will storm the gates of heaven for yours. 

Look up sisters.  The Son of Man, the everlasting Light, the person of LOVE, is right here, always a whisper, cry, scream away from our broken, bleeding hearts.  He can stop the hardening.  He will squeeze until we're made whole and all healed up.  

...I've stumbled on a rampage.

As I sat in the backseat of my truck, with a little one finally surrendered to sleep snuggled in my arms, I looked up. 

Yes, I know He is making beauty from ashes.  I know there will be glory shouted and heard from behind these war torn walls.